SNL Cold Opens Columbia University Protests

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Saturday Night Live took the anti-Israel protests that swept the nation in its cold start, with one blue-collar parent warning her daughter that she’d better not waste her education by participating.

Kenan Thompson, who plays the Uber-driver’s father, appeared on the NY1 “Social Affairs” talk show hosted by cast member Michael Longfellow as one of three college parents discussing the weeks-long story.

Each agreed to support the movement, but Thompson made it clear that his support did not extend to small female participation.

“Alexis is going to get her butt in Vanessa’s class,” said Thompson, adding that she won’t let her $68,000-a-year tuition go to waste.

“I find out she’s in one of the crappy tents instead of the dorm I’m paying for.”

Kenan Thompson, who plays the Uber-driver’s father, appeared on NY1’s “Social Affairs” talk show May 4 during SNL as one of three college parents to discuss the weeks-long story. Saturday Night Live

When a Hunter College father confusedly asked why he supported the protests — which have led to hundreds of arrests since the camp sprouted up in Columbia two weeks ago — Thompson made it clear he was supporting “Yal’s kids.”

“Sister, I’m doing everything,” Thompson told The New School Mom, played by Heidi Gardner, “and I’m busting my hump here to pay all that tuition.”

“Uber all day. Uber eats all night. Mow the lawn on weekends. Sale Gucci looks at my trunk. Life coaching on IG. To top it all off she has a degree in African studies. Like that, little girl, you’ve been black all your life.

Anti-Israel protesters block students in Hamilton Hall at Columbia University on April 30, 2024. Reuters
SNL cast members Michael Longfellow, Mikey Day, Heidi Gardner and Keenan Thompson attend the “Social Affairs” cold opening on May 4, 2024. Saturday Night Live

Longfellow even brought a raid on Columbia’s Hamilton Hall, which was occupied for nearly 24 hours by brazen protesters.

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Parents admitted they were nervous about their children becoming one of the many caught out, but seemed at peace with the fact that their children would not be celebrating graduation this year — referring to a series of canceled commencement ceremonies in anticipation. Resistance disturbances.

However, Thompson was adamant that she would get her money from Columbia and watch her daughter cross the stage.

Students participate in an anti-Israel sit-in at Columbia University on April 29, 2024. Reuters

“Alexis Vanessa will graduate if I do it myself,” Thompson said.

“You better believe I’m going to be there yelling and screaming after they’ve obviously told me to wait until the end. That’s all I know.”

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